Act 17 – The Spangles

Yes, I know.  More children singing more songs that are perhaps a little outside their vocal and/or subject matter comfort zone.  And more children that should be at school instead of appearing on an alleged ‘talent’ show.

Not content to just sing, The Spangles incorporated some mild choreography into their act – a fact that was not lost on Bernard.  Indeed, he gave some surprisingly constructive criticism to this effect.

I’m guessing that this act chose their name as a tribute to their favourite girl band at the time.  Either that, or the name ‘The Violet Crumbles’ was already taken.

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Act 16 – Sally Scroop

This week, we’ve got another dancer.  Young Sally Scroop.  Judging by her routine, one can tell she must have been the alpha of her calisthenics group.

Bernard’s judgement was both brief and blunt.   However, when coupled with input from children’s entertainment legend and Local Government heavyweight, Patsy Biscoe, Bernard looked like an even bigger prick than usual.

I can’t really add too much more to this, other than to say Sally did a remarkably good job by Pot Luck standards and I felt ever so slightly like a dirty old man after watching this.  I have to remind myself that young Sal is actually 2 years OLDER than I am.

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Act 15 – Rita Eldridge

Another week, another pianist.  What was it with 1980s talent shows and pianists?

Again, Pot Luck’s policy of not being discriminating strikes again.  Spritely octogenarian Rita Eldridge could certainly bash out a tune. She could probably also bash out some fantastic tea and scones, too.

Unfortunately, Pot Luck didn’t have a ‘Devonshire Tea’ category.  Were there such a category, Rita may have scored a little more than patronising lip service and 21 points from Bernard.

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Act 13 – Darren Schutz *NEED VIDEO UPLOAD*

As well as the usual line up of singers, dancers and musicians, Pot Luck attracted a few other entertainers.  Such as magicians.

You’ve heard the expression ‘so bad, it’s good’, haven’t you?  Darren Schutz’ magic show is all this, and so much more.  The ‘Disappearing Die’ trick is a highlight, encompassing both humour and novelty store conjuring.

Bernard came over all generous and gave Darren a whopping 32 points.  I suspect this was either because (a) he could see this act for what it was – a delightfully subtle yet thoroughly convincing pisstake of both hack magicians and Pot Luck contestants in general, or (b) he was thinking with his magic wand.

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Act 12 – Christopher Lopes *NEED VIDEO UPLOAD*

As you may have gather, Pot Luck was arguably the least discriminating talent show ever to see the light of day on Australian television.  Indeed, whether you were 9 or 90, if your number was up, the stage was yours for several minutes.

What I find baffling is that Pot Luck was a daytime TV show, shown during school hours.  This being the case, why were there so many kids on this show?   Such as Christopher Lopes.

Young Christopher wasn’t terrible, especially not for a child.  However, his choice of song was interesting to say the least.   Whilst not overtly sexual, the song has connotations of love – both of the lost and found variety, but mainly lost.  The sort of stuff most 10 year olds don’t fully comprehend.

Hence the delivery was quite flat and lacking the emotion of the John Waite original, and certainly seemed incongruous given that the lyrics were so clear.  The fact that Chris was probably a good 2-3 years away from having a voice that may (or may not) have provided the vocal range required didn’t help matters either.

Given that back in the day, most 10 year old boys were more worried about catching girl germs than mending a broken heart, I concur with Bernard’s remarks that the song may not have been appropriate, as well as the general feedback given

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Act 14 – Alan and Brenda

Throughout the years, there have been many great male/female musical duos.  The Captain and Tenille, Eurythmics, Wayne and Wanda, Alan and Brenda …

If you haven’t heard of the last one, don’t panic.  Not many people have.  More’s the pity.  Imagine Denis Walter teamed up with Ben Folds in drag.  Now, imagine Den and Ben after one too many shandies.  Indeed, the more I watch this, the more I’m convinced that Alan and Brenda demolished a cask of fruity lexia in the car park before going into the studio.

I’m not going to spoil this for you, but there’s a twist at around 0:50 into this astonishing performance.  To this day, I can’t work out whether or not it was part of the act.   All I will say is that anyone that was ever unfortunate enough to be dragged to a party held by their parents’ friends will relate to this act. Bernard appeared to relate to this act too … eventually.

Some people would say this act is tragic, but the real tragedy is that Alan and Brenda never got a recording contract with Dino Music or J&B.

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Another Pot Luck contestant, another dancer.  For some reason, Pot Luck seemed to bring many would-be performance artists out of the woodwork.

Today’s example, Razia, attempted to bring a little spice into the Pot Luck studio.  She was going to party like was 1979 in an outfit that looked suspiciously like a life-size toilet roll cover doll, co-incidently also at the height of its popularity sometime around 1979.

So you think you can dance?  Um, no.  Bernard concurred, and gave some very direct feedback along with a surprisingly generous score.  All Bernard got back in return was a death stare that would scare Julie Bishop.

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